Today was my second day at my “new” job. I was bored, because there wasn’t any work for me to do. So to pass the time, I was rummaging through my desk drawers, painting a lively picture of the person who occupied this space before me based on what they had left in the drawers. All of these speculations were based on pens and paper clips [they were obviously a heavy drug user] so I’m pretty sure I was hitting the nail on the head. I opened another drawer and saw a Ziploc bag with an unused glow stick and a whistle among some other items. Clearly this bag contained the remnants of a rave that this person had attended. The party had gone so late that they went right to work, stored the treasure chest in the drawer and forgot all about it. I could not believe my luck, finding such priceless relics. I continued examining the bag and its contents, when a small pamphlet fell out. Turns out this goody bag was not what was salvaged from an all night rave, but an Emergency Evacuation kit. It’s contents are as follows: 1 particle mask, 1 twelve hour glow stick, 1 four ounce liquid super hydrating water substitute, 1 emergency whistle. I was so disappointed because I wanted to open the glow stick and wear it. And maybe test out that whistle. Talk about perspective–I love how advanced the post 9/11 security measures are: a child’s glow stick, a plastic whistle and a paper mask. I felt better immediately.
Work[ing] History June 18, 2008
Tomorrow is the big day. By big day, I obviously mean probably a pretty boring day. I start a new office job. It will be exciting to have a source of income again. I haven’t not had a job since I was 16, so the last few months (while enjoyable) have been a challenge when it comes to funds. At this point all I can hope for is that the work isn’t too soul numbing. I think the only work I would enjoy is detective work- in the 1940’s with one Detective Chief Superintendent Christopher Foyle. So, if anyone has anything along the lines of time-machines please let me know. All I have so far is a Calvin and Hobbes-esque cardboard box with “Time Machine” written on it. While I admit it is very grand, Sharpie and cardboard doesn’t exactly encourage confidence when it comes to scientific attempts at time travel. [Clearly I can use all the help I can get]
RLS, Crippling Disease or Fraud? June 4, 2008
Everyone has seen those hilarious commercials with the woman laying on her lounge chair, just trying to lead a normal life and finish her crossword. When suddenly, RLS strikes and she can no longer focus on her wonderful little puzzle because her legs are so restless. I’ve always agreed with the general public [read Bill Maher] that it is a ridiculous ‘condition’ and is just one more reason for people to take medication. However, the past few nights I have been unable to sleep….because my legs are restless. It’s like they need a good stretch- I’ve never been one to argue with my body, so I get up and stretch (very gracefully) feel better, lay back down, and my legs still feel uncomfortable. It’s this feeling from the back of me knees. What could it be? Is it RLS? I’ve spent some time on WebMD and haven’t been able to find a satisfactory description of the medical criteria for ‘restless legs’. Never the less I fear the progression of this disease. A life where I cannot complete a crossword is not a life worth living.
